Meaningful Friendship: not speeding up your friend's season of sadness because it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Yesterday, Brett cried while telling me why he loves me.

Every now and then, he shares with me things I don't see in myself. This time, it was an affirmation I'd never heard before, and by the time he was done, we were both crying.

We went through some really hard stuff when we first got married, and he told me that because I had to sit in a really dark and challenging season for so long, he sees me now able to sit in the dark and challenging seasons of those around me, without necessarily having to speak into or fix their season-- he sees me showing up for their highs and the lows, aware that seasons aren't always quick or easily controlled.

I'd never looked at the first few years of our marriage as the reason I do those things. But I think he's right.

Those years weren't full of answers, fixes, or "right paths", they were full of sitting in sadness, praying, weeping, getting angry, being depressed, finding deep hurt within myself... they were full of a lot of lows.

And while there were people in my life who tried to speed up my hurt or dip in and out of my hurt as quickly as they could without getting too messy, there were also people who entered into it and treated me like a friend who needed to be heard and loved. There was a whole year or two I felt mostly alone, learning what it was to need God to be my listener, healer, care-giver, friend, and burden-carrier. i don’t remember if I ever begged God to end my season of sadness, but I do remember feeling as if He was the only one who could care for me so fully during that time. He gave me healing and rest even when I was sad and alone. And then He gave me trusted relationships to help me find healing and rest.

And now, I do believe Brett is right. I hope to show up to the sad seasons. I hope to be a friend of healing and rest, even if the season is light or dark.

Have you ever walked with a friend through years of sadness? What did you find most helpful? Has anyone walked with you through years of sadness? What was most helpful?