Ruining the Coffee + Choosing Not to Throw a Pity Party

Every few mornings, Brett and I walk to pick up coffee at one of the only coffee shops still open in our neighborhood.

It’s a gorgeous walk, full of tulips and cherry blossoms, and riverfront views. I look forward to it and it helps me start off my day positively.

Today Brett tried a Spicy Mocha Hot Chocolate and he was so excited to drink it when we got home. He usually finishes his drink before we’ve even made it home, but because of the mandate to wear masks, he waited.

Per our sanitizing ritual, we put the coffee cups in the sink so we can pour them into our own mugs. After washing my hands, I changed my clothes and headed into the kitchen to make breakfast. Brett hopped in the shower.

I washed our pan and got out the eggs. Brett walked in after his shower and asked if I’d run water all over our coffee cups.

I looked down at the coffee mugs still chill’n in the sink. Suddenly aware I’d never poured them into mugs or removed them. Had I really washed the pan in the sink and forgotten about the mugs?

I let out a few choice words, realizing what I’d done and immediately wanted to erupt in anger. Immediately believing I’m a mess up, disappointment, and fun ruiner. I rolled my eyes and became short, “That’s what happens when I’m just trying to do something nice like make breakfast”.

I walked out and said, “LET ME BE ALONE”. I slammed the bathroom door and sat on the toilet with my head hung low.

I sat in the bathroom for ten minutes, already ashamed of my reaction, thinking of all the ways I wanted to blame Brett for what I’d done. I berated myself for ruining our morning drinks and for wasting money. I berated myself for ruining the whole day. I kept thinking, “I was just trying to do something nice, by cooking breakfast, and here I am STILL screwing everything up”. Honestly, I thought so many things. I just want to walk out there and be annoyed with myself and angry and throw a pity party the whole rest of the morning.

But this is the part of marriage most people don’t see— how I’ve grown. How I would have thrown a pity party for days in the first few years of our marriage. But now— there is freedom to not believe the lies that I AM a disappointment. I WILL disappoint my husband (Friends, family, co-workers, etc.), but I am not the definition of a disappointment.

Staying mad at myself or walking around my home believing whatever I do I’ll ruin everything— that’s not a way to live. It brings me down and it brings Brett down too.

While it took some processing, I eventually decided it was best to admit to myself that this was an accident.

Because it was.

I also needed to believe that I hadn’t ruined the whole day for either of us. And I decided it would take a lot more energy to throw a pity party, than to just admit I made a mistake.

I opened the door. I looked at Brett and immediately burst into tears. Because I genuinely felt bad for messing up the drink he was really looking forward to drinking. I told him I was sorry and that it was a total accident. And he told me he forgave me and gave me a big long hug.

We both could have reacted with much more anger in this situation (and oftentimes we do), but today it felt like we (especially I) made the right choice. Albeit, humbling on my end, it reminded me why I don’t need to let lies control me, why Brett’s an awesome and loving husband, and why it’s important to take a few minutes to not respond with anger.