Last week, I sat across from one of my clients at a coffee/flower shop on the Lower East Side and she nervously told me the reason she booked a photo session with me was because she wanted to work on her own confidence. She squirmed a bit and her eyes darted all around the room as she explained wanting to get our of her comfort zone more. I could tell she was nervous. I thought— Wow, getting in front of a camera can feel SO vulnerable, she is so brave.

Today, I want to encourage you toward confidence in your own life and if per chance you ever book a photoshoot for yourself (which you totally should, my contact form is here), I want you to feel confident when you show up. You’ll probably find booking a photo session just for yourself more therapeutic than you think.

Let’s talk about confidence as it relates to us and the world.

I believe there are two types of confidence in this world. First, a daily confidence in how we carry ourselves— our true selves— as we interact with the world. How do we interact with the barista? How do we interact with our co-workers? Do we feel we can be honest and brave with those people?

The second confidence is, in my opinion, much more challenging: how we carry ourselves in front of an audience. Maybe some would argue both confidences are the same kind of confidence. But as a photographer, I see how incredibly difficult it can be for my clients to interact with a camera, especially as we walk the streets of New York City and they feel as if all eyes are watching them, judging them. Not only are my lens and I audience members they don’t know very well, but it feels like every person walking by is. Which might be true. In my experience, the people of New York really don’t care about a photoshoot. So how do we work through our fears of being in front of an audience? 

I like to remind my clients (and myself) of a few things: 

1. Being confident doesn’t mean perfection or lack of failure.

Being a photographer requires a lot of walking in the city. Sometimes I’m taking photos and I’m not always able to look where I’m walking, which results in me tripping over a speedbump or  accidentally falling into a stranger walking by. It looks silly when it happens and my best response when my clients look embarrassed for me is this: “Oh, yeah! It happens all the time! If you haven’t seen me trip during a photo session, you’ve missed out on free entertainment!” I accept my silly quirk verbally and it’s easier for my clients to accept it too.

Something I’ve learned about not doing things “right” in front of others it that there really isn’t a “right way” (especially during a photosession when you think, “Does this pose look right?”) and the more often I fail or the more often I do things imperfectly, the easier it is to accept those things and move on quickly. And the easier it is to know what works and what doesn’t work. Which I think is the core of what confidence is- acceptance of self and carrying on despite our fears and failures. 

2. Strangers don’t really care about what you’re doing.

I think this is true whether you’re touring through the city or taking photos in this city. I find this to be true so often in this city, especially with photoshoots. Whether it’s a photo session in Central Park, proposing at Rockefeller Center at Christmas, or making out with your significant other in a cozy cafe— you probably won’t see the people that were there ever again. And if you do see them again, they definitely don’t care about what you’re doing and how you do it as much as you’ve decided they care in your head. If there are a bunch of people watching during a photosession and I’m the subject, I like to tell myself, just go for it. Be silly. Pretend like no one is there because mentally they will probably forget they walked by you having a photo session about five minutes later. If you really need space, you can ask your photographer to take you to a less crowded area. 

3. Sometimes building your confidence takes time and that’s by trying things outside your comfort zone.

I believe this is true about life and photography. Once my nervous client told me why she had booked her photo session with me, I knew to start gentle and to have empathy. But I also knew I could try to push her a bit more throughout the session. From the first few photos we took where it was harder for her to make eye contact with me or the camera, to the last few photos we took, where her eye-contact felt softer, lighter, brighter, and her glances really looked like she was having fun. That was the transformation of confidence I witnessed as we took photos together. It didn’t happen immediately. But it happened. Because she was brave and because I took time to get to know her. And I bet, if she booked another photo session in a few months, she would know what kind of confidence it takes to walk into a photo session and not feel as self-conscious. For some of my clients, just booking the session IS the step of confidence they took. For others, it’s trying new poses that make them feel awkward even though the result of the pose looks like fire! For some, it’s trying out what it feels like to not always smile at a camera, but to look vulnerably at the lens. 

So what do you think? Are you ready to exercise your confidence muscles? Are you feeling tempted to set up a photo session for yourself? Where do you think confidence comes from?